When That Thing That Bothers You About Your Child Is Really A Reflection Of You In Them

  • When my…
    • 8 yr old son cheered when the QB for the team we really dislike got hurt and had to leave the game.
    • 14 yr old daughter gets defensive when I ask her a simple question.
  • I felt disappointed and frustrated when those two things happened. My first thought was change needs to happen…in them.
  • Then I realized these two actions are reflections of me in them. UGH!
  • When your child does / says something that you disapprove of…but it is reflection of you in them…you still should discipline them, talk to them, correct them.
  • But you should approach the discipline / conversation / correction differently.
  • Be transparent with your child. Let them know that you sometimes do the same thing or that they get that trait from you.
  • Let them know that those words / actions are unacceptable in your life and in their life.
  • Model for them how you are improving your words / actions.
  • But just between us…I hate it when I realize that something my child does that bothers me is actually a reflection of me in them. In those moments, I realize I’m basically an 8 yr old boy or a 14 yr old girl. UGH!
Advertisements

Teach Your Son Not To Talk Disrespectfully About Girls…aka Stop The Locker Room Talk

  • Yes, boys talk about girls. And the older the boys are, the more disrespectful the talk can get. Not always. But you know what I mean.
  • The older a boy gets, the more he wants to appear to be…
    • a big shot.
    • in control.
    • stronger.
    • dominant.
  • There’s nothing wrong with this…it’s actually normal…as long as it’s directed in a positive way and used for good.
  • Words are never just words.
    • Our words become our thoughts, which become our actions.
    • Our words describe our past actions.
    • Our words reveal who we really are.
  • When our boys talk about girls in a disrespectful way, it…
    • devalues girls.
    • hurts girls.
    • objectifies girls.
    • causes them to treat girls disrespectfully.
  • Raise a son who…
    • does not conform to what others boys are saying / doing.
    • values girls for who they are.
    • becomes a young man who becomes a man who women respect.
    • is different…girls will notice!

Why Do We Put More Effort Into Being A Better Leader Than A Better Dad?

  • We read more, listen to more, spend more money, have more conversations, spend more time in an attempt to be a better leader…more than a better dad. Why?
  • The quick answer…it’s easier to be a good leader than it is to be a good dad. We pick the easy route.
  • We can fake being a good leader at work. We can’t fake being a good dad at home.
  • We can become a good leader pretty fast. It takes time to become a good dad.
  • We get attention when we’re a good leader. We are hardly recognized when we’re a good dad.
  • Being a good dad is more fragile than being a good leader.
  • At work…we’re seen as a good leader because of a title. Because we influence people’s future. Because we chose who we work with. Because we have a specific task we accomplish. Because people like us.
  • At home…the real us comes out. We cannot hide behind a title or a task or popularity. We can coach our child’s team or attend every recital and appear to be a good dad, but everything is not always at it appears…and our child knows it.
  • One day…another good leader will come along and replace you at work.

  • One day…no one will replace you as your child’s dad.
  • What if we…
    • put down the leadership book and read a book about being a better dad?
    • sit down with a friend and talk about being a better dad?
    • put more thought into how we can be a better dad than a better leader?
    • found a mentor who is a better dad than we are?

3 Quick Fixes To Become A Better Dad

  • Sometimes you want to…maybe need to…quickly improve as a dad.
  • There’s nothing wrong with a quick fix. Many of your best practices as a dad started as quick fixes that proved to work.
  • If you’re in need of a quick way to improve as a dad, try one of these three things:
    • Don’t think control…think connect.
      • Listen more. Ask more questions.
      • Spend more energy on your relationship with your child.
      • Spend less energy trying to control the outcomes in their lives.
    • Don’t think rules…think equations.
      • Less “Do this.” and “Don’t do this.”
      • More “If you do this, then this will happen.” Help your child understand there are positive and negative consequences to their actions.
    • Don’t think lecture…think lab.
      • Stop talking so much. Stop teaching your child about life.
      • Let your child experience life.
      • Give your child a safe place to do life…the good, the bad, and the ugly.
  • Thanks, Tim Elmore for sharing these three ways to better lead our child at North Point. See him talk about this here. And read about other better ways to lead your child here.