1 Step To Having A Responsible Kid

  • We all want a kid who is responsible.
  • But leading our kid to be responsible is harder than we think.
  • Most kids are not walking around looking for responsibility.
  • And let’s be honest…we like feeling needed. And we like doing things our way on our time.
  • Here is the 1 step to having a responsible kid:
    • Give your kid responsibilities.
  • Start early.
  • Add more responsibilities as they get older.
  • Have consequences when they are not responsible with their responsibilities.
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The One Topic You Should Never Talk To Your Child About

  • There is no topic that you should not talk about with your kid.
  • The goal is to one day find yourself in a conversation with them and think to yourself…I cannot believe we’re talking about this!
  • Start talking about everything when they’re young.
  • Talk about things that make you uncomfortable.
  • Talk about things you don’t know about.
  • Learn to not show your shock or discomfort when you talk about topics you don’t want to talk about.
  • Let your child drive most conversations…the topics they want to talk about, when they want to talk about it, etc.
  • Yes, get ready to talk about topics like…
    • death
    • sex
    • aliens
    • God
    • what their friends are doing
    • all things gross
    • religion
    • money
    • the opposite sex
    • Stranger Things
  • Your conversations now and in the future will build a strong relationship with your child.

 

Help Your Child Conquer Their Fears

  • What is your child afraid of?
    • heights
    • clowns
    • the dark
    • swings
    • dogs
    • the unknown
  • Help them overcome their fears…
    • Let your kid know it’s ok to have fears. Let them know what you’re afraid of.
    • Stand next to them while they face their fear. But don’t conquer their fear for them.
    • Encourage them. Let them know that you believe in them.
    • Help them believe that they can do hard things.
    • Celebrate when they conquer a fear.
    • When they face a new fear, remind them of the times in the past when they conquered a fear.
  • Lead them to become teens and adults who face and overcome their fears.

Your Secret Is Hurting You And Your Kid

  • What do you do that you do not want anyone to find out about?
  • Things kept in the dark are dangerous for you and your child.
  • Things kept in the dark control you…even if you think you control them.
  • Things kept in the dark are hurting you…even if you think they’re helping you.
  • “It won’t hurt anyone as long as they don’t find out.” is a lie.
  • The sooner you bring what you’re doing to the light, the less consequences there will be.

How To Know If You’re A Successful Dad

  • Your kid is sitting in the dirt playing with rocks or…watching Netflix or…playing backyard football in the rain or…FaceTiming with a friend or…doing homework or…
  • How do you know if you’re being a successful dad?
  • If you define success one of these ways, you’re not going to be successful:
    • Your kid is happy. If your kid’s emotions determine your success, well, good luck with that.
    • Your kid has more than you did when you were young. Whenever stuff is your measure of success, you will never have enough stuff.
    • Your kid gets to experience everything that comes their way. Experiences are great and often create memories. But too many experiences can create kids who do not know how to be content with normal life.
    • Your kid tries to be perfect. When your goal is an imaginary goal, you will miss it every time.
  • If you define success one of these ways, you’re going to be successful:
    • Your kid is living out the values you fight for in your family.
    • Your kid is moving towards independence when they reach 12th grade.
    • Your kid is not stressed out by the pressures of school, athletics, relationships, creative arts, work, home life, etc.
    • Your kid is growing in self-awareness.

It’s Okay To Think Your Kid Is A Little Better Than They Really Are

  • It’s a good thing to think your kid is a little better than they really are.
  • Don’t you want them to think you’re a little better parent than you really are?
  • Bad things happen, though, when you think your kid…
    • is worse than they really are.
    • is a lot better than they really are.
  • When you think your kid is a little better than they really are, you…
    • believe the best about them.
    • give them the benefit of the doubt.
    • can still see them as they truly are.
    • will go to bat for them at the right times.
    • will can build a genuine relationship with them.

Being Responsible For Your Child Versus Taking Responsibility For Your Relationship With Your Child

  • You are responsible for your child. You kinda have to be…legally speaking. At least for 18 years or so. You provide them with food, shelter, clothing, etc…the necessities.
  • You (me too) even pat yourself on the back (post about it on social media / remind them when they’re in trouble) when you’re extra responsible for your child…you provide a nice yard, send them to camp, pay for an amazing experience, buy them the latest electronics, dress them in really nice clothes, etc.
  • But do you take responsibility for your relationship with your child?
  • What are you doing to grow the relationship between the two of you?
  • What conversations are you having to better your relationship with them?
  • None of the extra stuff lasts. Actually, most of it will be forgotten.
  • Your relationship (or lack of relationship) with your child will last for decades.
  • If you don’t take responsibility for the relationship, they won’t. They’re a child.

Dads Thrive At Work But Survive At Home And How To Fix That

  • Too many of us dads put in more effort at work than we do at home. Not good. But it makes sense. Work is easier for us.
    • We get desirable results fast at work.
    • We get short-term wins at work.
    • We get less honest feedback at work.
    • We get training and development at work.
  • The opposite is true at home:
    • We have to wait (maybe years) for results.
    • The wins come after a lot of effort and time.
    • We get honest, real-time feedback at home.
    • We’re never truly prepared for being a dad at any stage.
  • How can you fix this? How can you thrive at home too?
    • Save some of your energy for home.
    • Have a plan at home.
    • Set goals for home.
    • Get some training or mentoring from another dad.
  • You will be replaced at work. You can never be replaced in your role as dad.

It Should Be Easy To Be Your Kid

  • It should not be difficult to be your child…regardless of the age of your child.
  • What pressure does your child feel from you?
  • What spoken and unspoken expectations do you place on your child?
  • Do your words build them up or tear them down?
  • Do your actions set them up for success or failure?
  • Do you frustrate your child?
  • It should be easy to be your child.
  • The answers to these questions determine your present and future relationship with your child.