We think… Pornography is okay. It’s normal. It’s harmless. After all, we know men who look at it…married couples who look at it…and, yes, women who look at it.
But… Pornography is not okay. What really happens when you look at it?
It turns your sex life into a script to be acted out.
It causes you to parent with a secret.
It objectifies the gender you’re looking at causing you to become cold towards them.
It makes you idealize the person you’re looking at…and no one (your spouse, significant other, etc.) can live up to the dream you’ve made up.
It controls you. You do not control it.
If you’re looking at pornography…
Tell someone immediately. Secrets only hurt you and your child.
Take drastic measures to stop.
Set up guardrails to prevent you from looking at it again.
Dads are better than moms at some things. Seriously…we are. Stop laughing moms.
Unfortunately, one of those things is frustrating our child.
Yes, we all will frustrate our child from time to time. No one is perfect.
But when a dad consistently frustrates their child it is a big deal.
How can you know if you frustrate your child too much? Your child…
has growing resentment towards you.
asks you to stop bothering them.
is emotionally exhausted around you.
is angry when you’re nearby.
always seems irritated.
None of the signs above leads to the type of relationship we want with our child now or in the future.
It’s good to see skin color. God made each person a unique color with a unique story.
It’s not good to treat someone poorly or differently because of their skin color.
It’s not good to treat someone poorly or differently because they are different from you.
No one else is just like you…even people with a similar skin color as you.
Skin color is just one of the many ways you are different from everyone else.
A person’s importance, worth, value, etc. comes from the fact that they are a person…not their appearance.
We have a tendency to only like people who are similar to us…and that is wrong. And sad.
When you see someone being treated poorly or differently because of their skin color or something that makes them different…stand up for them. Defend them. Be their friend.
An addiction cannot be stopped…or so it feels.
An addiction feels like a pleasure…but it’s really a way of coping.
An addiction controls you…even though you might think you control it.
An addiction is kept a secret…from someone.
Your addiction is affecting your current relationship with your child…even though you may think it is not.
It may prevent a future relationship with your child.
If you are a dad with an addiction…
Get it out of the darkness and into the light…tell someone who will help you get help.
Get help…you cannot stop on your own.
Realize your addiction has consequences.
Ask for forgiveness.
Realize it will take time, effort, and changes to stop your addiction.
If you know a dad with an addition, help them today!
All transitions…including the back to school transition…create some level of pain for someone. Back to school may be painful for your child…you…your spouse…all of you. That’s normal.
Us dads offer a different kind of voice in each transition…including back to school. Make sure your voice is heard during this transition.
How can you make back to school as painless as possible…for all of you?
Choose a good attitude about your child going back to school, their teacher, their classmates, etc. Your child will pick up on and play off of your attitude.
Over-communicate how much you believe in your child’s ability to learn and be a great friend to their classmates.
Make sure your child knows you love them and are cheering for them this school year.
Pray out loud with your child about their friends, teachers, schoolwork, recess, bus ride, homework, locker, _____ (whatever they’re anxious about), etc. Don’t worry about praying out loud…you can’t mess it up.
Celebrate your child going back to school. Get some ice cream, go to dinner, buy a cake, throw some confetti…do something fun!
And if the back to school transition causes you a lot of pain, remember, football season is almost here!
Yes, I know you look like a stud…but your wife doesn’t care about that as much as you might think.
What does your wife really care about? What does she need from you?
She needs you to listen. But not just hear the words that come out of her mouth.
She needs you to listen with a focus on her feelings. What is she feeling about what she’s telling you?
She does not need you to listen with a focus on problem solving. That’s usually what we’re good at, though.
If you can become a husband who listens with a focus on her feelings, she might just think you look a lot better than you actually do. Score! Being a better husband leads you to being a better dad. (
Read about that here.) Need a video aid? Here’s one of my favorite dads (Phil Dunphy) to help us all out:
Have sex with your wife as often as you can.
Have sex every time your wife wants to have sex.
A good sex life is so much more than your physical desires being met.
A good sex life leads to a man who…
feels close to his wife
is emotionally strong
feels desirable by his wife
A man who is all of these things is a better husband.
A better husband leads to being a better dad. Want to talk to your wife about this, but not sure how to do it? Here are some links to help you…
Your marriage directly affects your parenting…so do everything you can to have a great marriage.
Avoid drama in your life.
Prevent conflict as much as you can.
Resolve conflict as fast as possible.
Don’t keep your thoughts and actions a secret from your spouse.
Laugh with your spouse.
Support your spouse.
You’ll find you’re a better parent when you are easy to be married to.
Ever said or thought, “That’s just who I am.”?
“That’s just who I am.” usually follows something we just did…that we know we should not have done.
Maybe that is who you are. But that does not mean it’s okay to be that way.
You expect your child’s actions and words to improve as they grow older. Why not yours?
Be an improved and improving version of yourself.
What can you do today to remove ”That’s just who I am.” from your vocabulary?
Being a patient dad is not about waiting less…it’s about waiting well.
We’re usually impatient because someone is not doing what we want when we want. Sounds kinda selfish, doesn’t it?
An impatient dad looks like one of these…
trying to hurry others
controlling (or trying to control) others
acting annoyed or bothered
A dad working on patience…
creates more time margin for himself and those around him
changes his expectations
works on himself before he works on others