How To Talk To Your Kid About School Shootings

  • Of course, what you tell your kid about school shootings will depend on their age and the questions they’re asking. Don’t over-share.
  • It’s important that you’re comfortable talking to your child about school shootings and other bad things that happen in our world.
  • Everyday, let your child hear you say…
    • School is a safe place.
    • All people make bad decisions.
    • Some people make decisions to hurt other people.
    • We need to decide to love other people…no matter what.
    • You can disagree with someone and still love them.
  • When a school shooting happens, help your child understand…
    • It’s okay to be sad.
    • It’s okay to ask questions.
    • It’s okay to not understand why something happens.
    • It’s good to talk to God about your feelings and questions.
    • God can give you hope even in bad times.
    • Decide one thing you can do as a family in response to what happened: write letters to those hurting, take food to first responders, buy gift cards for teachers, etc.
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Come Home Early As Often As You Can

  • Come home earlier than expected from work, the guy’s weekend, the game, practice, whatever it is you’re doing.
  • Come home earlier than expected as often as you can. You can’t every time.
  • Even 15 minutes early makes your wife and kid feel valued.

Dear Stepdad, You Got This

  • I’m not a stepdad. But I understand that being a stepdad is not easy. What’s your role? How involved should you be?
  • If the biological dad is in the picture…
    • don’t be passive…you still play a significant role in your kid’s life.
    • build a strong relationship with your kid.
    • model being a man who makes wise choices.
    • have a vibrant relationship with your wife.
    • help your kid have a good relationship with you and their biological dad.
    • have a good relationship with the biological dad if that’s possible.
  • If the biological dad is not in the picture…
    • step up and be the dad.
    • build a strong relationship with your kid.
    • understand that there is a void in your kid’s life because their biological dad is not around.
    • model being a man who makes wise choices.
    • have a vibrant relationship with your wife.

Dear Dad Who Is Thinking About Leaving His Family

  • Please don’t leave.
  • Fight for your marriage…even if you don’t want to fight for it. Don’t walk away even if she’s changed, if sex is non-existent, if you’re attracted to someone else, etc.
  • The love, the attraction, the desire, the friendliness, the feelings, the sex, etc. can come back.
  • If your wife won’t work on “us,” go work on you. Work on you even if she is willing to work on “us.”
  • If you leave, you will negatively affect your kid. You will affect…
    • how your kid sees herself/himself.
    • your kid’s current and future relationships.
    • how your kid perceives their abilities.
    • what motivates your kid.
    • the commitments your kid does and does not make.
    • how your kid relates to men.
    • your relationship with them for years to come.

Just Saying Your Family Is Your Priority Does Not Make It True

  • How’s 2018 going so far? We dads are always looking to start the new year feeling good about ourselves.
  • So we…or maybe it’s just me…declare things like, “My family is going to be my priority.”
  • This year, try something different. Stop saying that.
  • This year…throughout the year, ask your wife and kid if they feel like they are your priority.
  • How they feel matters more than what you say.
  • Stop feeling good about yourself just because you’re saying the right thing.
  • Win this year! Make sure your family feels like they are your priority.

Whatever You Do In 2018, Do Less

  • Your company, HOA, church, family, club, school, etc. will do more in 2018. They will add to what they’re already doing. And they will not stop doing anything. It’s what we all naturally do.
  • Doing more and more makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something. And it makes you look normal.
  • Doing more and more really just makes you busier. You’re just doing more on top of what you were already doing.
  • Decide to do less in 2018!
  • Do less in your own life. Simplify. Focus. Stop. Say no.
  • Help your child do less. They do not have to be signed up for something.
  • Help your family do less. Make sure you have time that is not scheduled.

How To Have More Sex With Your Wife Between Now And Christmas

  • So…not your typical Christmas post. Hope that’s ok. I think you’ll like it.
  • Is there an easier time of the year to tell your kid that you and your wife (aka their mommy) need to go into the bedroom and lock the door? Nope!
  • Tell them you need to talk about presents.
  • Tell them you need to wrap presents.
  • Tell them you need to talk about your Christmas plans.
  • Go in your room, lock the door, and…you’re welcome.
  • Merry Christmas!

What To Do When One Of Your Kids Knows About Santa And The Other Kid Believes In Santa

  • You know what I’m talking about.
  • We have three kids. Two know. Our youngest believes.
  • What do you do when one kid knows about Santa and the other believes in Santa? Here are 2 ideas…
  1. Have fun with it. Let the kid who knows have fun being in on it. Let them give input on some Santa gifts and/or pick out some candy for the stockings. When Santa comes up in conversations, give them a wink.
  2. Use it as an opportunity to teach responsibility. The kid who knows now has a big responsibility. They know a big secret that is okay to keep. Help them understand why they should not tell their sibling. Make them feel like a big-shot for handling this responsibility well.

5 Ways To Have A Less Stressful Christmas Season

  • Q: Why does the Christmas season feel more stressful than other times of the year?
  • A: You have less margin (free space) in your schedule, finances, patience, etc.
  • Less Margin = More Stress
  • Want some ways to make this Christmas less stressful?
  1. Do some things for your wife that you normally do not do…shop, bake, plan, etc. Reducing your spouse’s stress will reduce your stress.
  2. Spend the majority of your time with your family. Schedule time to do things with just your family…look at Christmas lights, stay home and watch a Christmas movie, stay home and do nothing, play together, go to a movie, etc.
  3. Spend less money. It’s possible.
  4. Don’t say yes to every invitation you receive. They’ll still be your friend after the holidays.
  5. Keep up your healthy habits…exercise, eat well, read, sleep, etc.

Don’t Discipline In The Heat Of The Moment – A Lesson From Phil Dunphy

  • Your kid will do all kinds of things that surprise you. Some good. Some bad.
  • When they do something they should not do, there needs to be a consequence.
  • Some of us dads…me…are quick to just pronounce a consequence.
  • These pronouncements are usually not thought out well and drastic. They can be just as surprising as the kid’s action.
  • Instead of pronouncing some quick discipline,…
    • cool off…take your time…and think about a consequence that will actually help your kid make better decisions in the future.
    • have a calm conversation with your kid about what they did and why there has to be a consequence.
  • Don’t discipline / give a consequence in the heat of the moment unless you absolutely must.
  • Need an example of what not to do? Here’s a clip of my favorite dad Phil Dunphy: